Holding Steady in an Uncertain World

With the recent events that have taken place in this country it is hard to imagine how and when these acts of violence will cease. It can be difficult to feel safe and calm when the world is painting a different picture. National events like those in Baton Rouge and Dallas can cause anxiety for both children and adults. Are we safe? When will the violence stop? When will the next tragedy happen? Where will it happen? These are all questions many of us have asked ourselves over the past couple of weeks. If your thoughts are racing with questions like these, know that you are not alone.  In times of stress in our country it is important to take a step back and remind ourselves that we are all responsible for our own actions and choices, and we must remain calm and steadfast when external situations make us feel out of control.

So, what can you do? Don’t worry, if you are concerned about the state of the world, or struggling with anxiety in general, there are steps you can take to overcome it. First things first, you are safe. You are likely reading this blog from your home, office, or on your smart phone while running errands. One of the best things you can do to create stability in your life is to maintain your routine. Maintaining your everyday routine will allow you to feel a sense of control in an ever changing world. Along the same lines, it is also important to separate out the things you can control from those you cannot. If you can focus on the specific difficulties in your life that you can control, you usually end up feeling much better about everything else. The interesting thing about anxiety is that once you let go of wanting to control everything and just focus on living, your anxiety will decrease. If your anxiety about the state of our country still feels intense—take action! Write a letter to your local congressman or state senator, engage in a random act of kindness the next time you are at Starbucks, or take some baked goods to your local police station or firefighters. Once you do something productive and proactive you will notice that you will begin to feel better. Your act of kindness will also help others to feel better. And last but not least, spend some time with your family and loved ones. They will remind you of not only what is important in your life, but also that people do love each other.

Dr. Rosie

To cope or not to cope…

When you think of “coping” with a problem, how do you define that term?  Here are three definitions of “cope.” (1) To deal with and attempt to overcome problems and difficulties, (2) To deal effectively with something difficult, (3) To deal successfully with a difficult situation.  Notice that in each of these definitions of coping, it is not simply enough to “deal with” a problem; the key is to do so in such a way as to “overcome” it “effectively” or “successfully.”

When you become aware of a problem in your life, what do you do?  The problem might be a troubling present situation, or may be one that is coming, perhaps just around the corner.  Viktor Frankl, a famous doctor, writer and concentration camp survivor, teaches us that there are some situations in which there is absolutely nothing we can do to alter a painful external situation (e.g., being in a concentration camp, being held hostage, etc.), and that in such a situation, one can still exert the “last of the human freedoms,” to alter one’s attitude toward one’s situation and one’s suffering.  However, in most situations, we can most certainly make decisions and act in ways to make our problems dissipate or resolve.

Yet how many times do we find ourselves doing counterproductive things?  We want for the situation to get better and to feel better, but we hesitate to do what is required of us in that situation.  We make the mistakes of being in denial, avoiding, procrastinating, etc. While these avoidance techniques may help you to (temporarily) feel better, what they are also doing is allowing the problem to fester and perhaps get worse.

So, we need to get clear on what exactly the problem is, its’ scope and dimensions, and to do that we need to face it.  After all, how can we solve a problem if we won’t allow ourselves to understand it.  The goal is to figure out a solution, a way forward, to devise a plan, and then to execute the required steps to get there.  So, ask yourself when you come across a situation that is a challenge or problem, “Do I want to solve this, or, not?”  It seems to me that it is far preferable to do all that one can do to alter the actual situation so that the problem is successfully managed.   We can all learn to cope better by sharpening our problem-solving skills, but remember, the most important idea here is that one must first be willing to face and directly confront our problems.  If you will allow yourself do this, you are already on the road to coping better.

Cheers,

Steve Bailley, PhD

New Beginnings

Change is hard, but beautiful. After 17 years of being in the same office practicing psychology, we are moving. Not only will we have a new location, but we also have a new practice. Psychology Houston, PC was a concept to bring evidence-based treatment to Houston in a cohesive and direct way. All of us in the practice specialize in treating people with diverse backgrounds and issues utilizing state of the art treatment that has been proven to work in research studies. Treatment is effective, but conducted in a way that really focuses on the therapeutic relationship. In the end, it doesn’t matter what treatment you are doing, if your client does not feel safe, trust in the therapist, and comfortable in the relationship, the treatment will likely not work. So as I packed up my office yesterday I felt sad, but excited for this new beginning. Change is hard and creates many questions and fears about the unknown. As I teach my clients, I am focusing on embracing the unknown, going boldly into the future, curious about how things will unfold over the years to come. Thanks to everyone who has contributed to this move and to all of my clients who have supported my practice over the years, to you all I am truly grateful.

Suzanne Mouton-Odum, Ph.D.